The Sun and Her Little Storm
by AnkoStone
Summary: Saeran is still getting used to his new life, but how could he refuse the promise he's been given? Written for Rikaweek on Tumblr! Check it out!


When I look up at the sky, I think about the past. Not the good parts, not the bad parts, just the moments I was able to look at it. It was blue, I didn't know it could be anything else for so long. I imagined freedom being the color of the sky.

"Saeran?"

I don't want to look away from the clouds. I have been laying in the grass for a long time. Sometimes, after physical therapy, I refuse to move. My legs hurt more now than they ever did before. It's easier to be tied in one spot.

No, wait-

"Saeran, you've been outside for hours."

I don't want to leave my mind, but suddenly sunshine fills my eyes. No, not sunshine…

"Rika!" I cheer, I always get excited seeing her. She sits down next to me and I sit up to meet her. I know she says I shouldn't think of her as a hero, but I can't help it. V and her saved me, they were saviors.

"The sky is very nice today, isn't it?" She says, and my smile brightens. I don't smile often. Even when they want me to, I can't always do it. I have bad thoughts in my head, but I can make them go away when I think about the sky, or or the sun. I like the sun. Saeyoung once said it was made of fire, but I like to think it's made of flowers instead.

"Isn't it always nice?" I ask, though I already know the answer. I have seen rain, and I've seen fog. But sometimes I pretend they don't exist. I like playing pretend sometimes. I was really good at it back then.

She chuckles slightly, and I feel accomplished. I want her to tell me the truth, despite already knowing it, and already hating it. But I want it anyways. When Rika tells me things, they have to be true.

"Sometimes it rains and blocks out the sun." She's quiet when she says it, and I wonder if I've made her sad, don't be sad! I don't want to see you sad. I'll take your sadness away.

"But, then we get rainbows!" Saeyoung once told me what a rainbow looked like, but V is the one who showed me pictures of them, and explained that they are a mix of the rain and the sun. I don't like rain, but the sun is warm and comforting.

"Ah, I forgot about rainbows." Rika smiles again. Good. I like it when she smiles.

"The run and the sun, they make something good together, don't they?" I look back at the sky. Rika used to say the sky was blue because God knew it was the most beautiful color. I don't agree with that. Rika tells me I should believe in God, that God loves everyone, but how could there be anyone that loves me? And besides, I don't think blue is the most beautiful. I prefer yellow.

"Saeran, do you like it here?" She asks me this a lot. I don't like this question.

"I like you." I say. She always likes that answer, it makes her smile. And I am not disappointed when I see her lips curl up.

"Do you like V?" Why so many questions today? I don't like talking much, it hurts my throat. I used to make hand signs or knocks on the floor, but I soon realized that only Saeyoung knew what those meant. I start to miss him…

"I like him too, but I wish my brother was here." I say this a lot, but no one ever tells me where he is. They say they saved him before they saved me, but where was he now? Why couldn't he be with me?

"Hm…" Rika thinks a moment, a silence falling between us. I know better than to ask where Saeyoung. They say I'm too young, but that he's thinks of me often. I don't know why I'm too young to know. I sometimes feel like they think I'm too weak. Just like Mommy…

But then I think better. Because they are better than her. Rika wouldn't hurt me, she wouldn't tie me up, or lock me away. She's warm and kind. She hugs me when I have nightmares or bad thoughts. Even V has rocked me to sleep a few times. It's embarrassing to think about. I'm getting older. I'm, how old again? I'm nine, right? I forget sometimes. Saeyoung knew how old we were. Without him, I forget things about myself.

I've lost in my thoughts for a while, but Rika hasn't said anything either. Maybe she wants to tell me something?!

"Saeran, imagine Saeyoung like fog." She suggested. I tilt my head. I try to picture him as a body made of fog, but the image is scary, and I stop, looking back up to the sky.

"It comes with rain, and goes with the sun. If Saeyoung was here, I couldn't spend all my time with you. If he was here, V couldn't tuck you in at night, he would have to tuck him in." She sounds so sincere, but I don't like her words at all.

"I-I wouldn't care! I would share you guys with him!" I would share anything with Saeyoung, if only he were here. I miss him so much. I hate that he's gone."

Rika sighs. I'm not happy with her, but I keep that to myself. I don't want to lose her love, but I wouldn't mind sharing it if it meant Saeyoung could come back.

"Saeyoung is somewhere where he can heal, and you are with me, so you can heal." I want us to heal together.

"Saeran, I know it's hard for you to understand, but in the future you will see that I'm doing this for you. I want to help you find your own rainbows, and I can't let fog get in the way." I don't quite understand what she's saying. Sometimes adults compare things to other things to confuse me. I don't like being confused. But I don't argue, I know better. Rika would never get mad at me, but I'm still afraid to lose what we have.

I start to rock back and forth a bit. My head hurts. Tears sting my eyes. I'm not angry or upset, but sometimes my emotions don't work properly. This time it works in my favor anyways. Rika stops talking about nature, and lifts me in her arms. She's stronger than she looks.

"Don't cry, it's okay." I believe her.

"This world doesn't understand people like us. But that's okay, we have each other. We're a family." I don't know what she means by people like us, are we different from others? Is that why Saeyoung can't be with us? I rest my head on her shoulder. She picks me up because she knows I'll hurt myself otherwise. Maybe that's what she means. People who hurt themselves. I've seen her do it too. She acts like me, sometimes, even if you couldn't tell from the way she's always smiling. I look as dark as I feel, but she feels that way too.

"Rain and Sun makes rainbows Saeran. We'll make a rainbow together, you and me." I want to ask if V is part of the family too. He doesn't hurt himself like me and Rika do. I want V to be with us, but I don't want him sad either, so I stay quiet. I don't want him hurt.

She pets my hair, and I can feel and hear her humming something lightly. It calms me. I wonder if this is what paradise is.

"One day, we'll make everyone feel like this." She promises. I bury myself a bit deeper into her hold. I don't want to share this with everyone, but if everyone means Saeyoung as well, maybe I could relent a little bit, one day.

"But, for right now, let's just enjoy it together." She seems to read my mind. I'm still crying, even though I feel very happy. I can't help it sometimes. I hope she knows I'm happy. I hope Saeyoung knows I'm happy. I hope he knows that one day, we could make everyone this happy.

But for right now, this rainbow is mine.


End file.
